My dad complimented me on my Sunday column last week about Prescott’s growth and I gave him a strange look. That wasn’t me, I said, and after a few minutes of back and forth, he fished it out of the recycling bin and handed his copy to me. He was right, and so was I. I had a well-written column in the paper and I didn’t write it.
Luckily, the Daily Courier staff had already fixed the online version and credited fellow columnist Alex Piacenza by the time I logged on to let them know. I read the two opposing columns and found good points in each, joking with my dad that my column writing goal is to avoid topics that land me in the “Rant” section of the newspaper.
I was raised to be polite and respectful, so “poking the bear” doesn’t come naturally for me, even when it’s a topic I feel strongly about. Every night around the dinner table, my folks taught us lots of lessons.
Some were taught outright: Don’t ask people about money, politics or religion. Always say please and thank you. Think before you speak. If it isn’t kind, don’t say it. Don’t make fun of other people, just because they are different than you. And, of course, the Golden Rule of do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Some of this kitchen table wisdom came to mind this past week after hearing stories from friends who are professionals in this community and have attended events where unkind, thoughtless and racist things were shared by speakers under the guise of a joke.
As I heard each story, not only did I feel bad for my friends who had to experience it, I was also surprised that more of the folks at the event didn’t step in to stop it.
In the worst example, one of the fellow attendees came over after the event and sheepishly apologized to my friend for the jokester’s racist humor. In another case, someone else kicked a meeting off with a fat joke without connecting that some of the folks in the audience might not enjoy that type of humor or might feel they were being singled out.
We can chalk it up to “oh, they were raised in a different generation when it was OK to talk like that,” but really, I don’t think that’s an excuse.
We’re old enough to know better now. It hurts when someone puts you down, based on your religion, race, gender, ethnicity, sexuality, looks, weight, politics and more, even as a joke. As one friend shared with me, “If enough people do it, it can lead to genocide.” That one stuck with me after she said it.
I don’t think most of us go out of our way to hurt other people or intend to be racist or sexist or any other “ist” when we joke around. Dumb things can slip out of our mouths before we can stop them. I’ve had my share of mortifying foot-in-mouth moments. A joke or comment may not be intended as hurtful, but we don’t always know what’s going on in the lives of the people hearing it.
Personally, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had someone say to me, “Oh, shoot, I can’t find my keys, I must be getting Alzheimer’s!” without knowing my mother died of the disease.
I shrug and say, “Oh, I hope not,” while thinking about the many folks around town who are living with or caring for someone with Alzheimer’s. Losing keys is the least of their worries. I should speak up and point this out, but I don’t. I suspect many of us feel that way when we hear something that makes us feel uncomfortable, especially if it’s said by someone we know and like.
As I’ve shared these stories with friends and coworkers this week, I’ve heard their own versions of jokes gone wrong and insensitive things shared. It’s a reminder that I need to speak up more and worry less about being in the “rants” column in this newspaper and in life. We all deserve to be treated with respect. I’m sure going to try.
Prescott-area resident Kelly Paradis is the Prescott Evening Lions Club president and community liaison for Good Samaritan Home Health, Hospice and Marley House. She loves listening to and writing stories about life.