I was planning to write a light-hearted column this week, something about hot fall weather and having to dig my sandals back out and repaint my toenails. Or maybe a piece about our ongoing battle with a mysterious garden creature at war with the potted plants. But it’s been a heavy, sad week and try as I might, I couldn’t get into the spirit of it. It’s hard to watch the news or read the paper without feeling anxious about the days and weeks ahead. I am sure I am not alone.
But it was the email I got at work early Wednesday morning, sharing a beloved coworker had died the night before that made last week especially tough. I read the email twice and still didn’t believe it when I walked past their empty desk later that morning. The news spread slowly as staff members caught up on emails between patient visits and came into the office to talk, cry, and share favorite stories. A few days later, it still seems impossible they are gone.
What stuck with me from the email beyond the terrible news was a line about the spouse saying, “I wish we would have…” and “we were planning to do…” or something to that effect. I could write a long list of things I’d regret that we never got around to doing if I lost my husband right now. It made me think about the opening scene of the Pixar movie “Up” which if you haven’t seen it, you should. (Search “opening scene Up” on YouTube and bring your tissue box with you.)
It’s so easy to get caught in the rut of our daily routines. Monday runs into Friday and then the weekends are filled with projects and things that didn’t get done during the week. Then it’s back to work for five more days and two days to catch up again on housework, yardwork, bills, laundry, family, pets, whatever needs the time and energy that day. Repeat until retirement, if you are able to retire. Not everyone is that lucky, I know.
It’s hard to justify setting aside money to finally take an Alaskan cruise when there’s so many house maintenance projects that should get done first. Or to carve out time for the “Intro to Line Dancing” class you’ve been promising to do with your spouse, when the kids have homework and soccer practice most nights. Maybe it’s a girls’ weekend with your best friend that’s been on the backburner because work and family schedules make it too hard to coordinate. Or you’ve always wanted to do a rim-to-rim hike at the Grand Canyon, but you’re not sure if you’re fit enough to pull it off this year and who would go with you anyway?
My dad said something to me years ago when I was just starting out at my first real job and it popped back in my head the other day. I don’t remember the circumstances, but I must have been wearing myself out at work and telling him about how stressed I was feeling. He listened sympathetically for a while and then said, “No one will write ‘she was a hard worker’ on your gravestone.” So true. What matters most is the way we spend our time together with the people we love. Those are the memories we make and reminisce about later if we are lucky enough to grow old. We’ll talk about the things we’ve done, the places we’ve gone, the people who have touched our lives. We’ll remember the people (and animals) we miss and the things we wished we had done better or differently with our lives. And while I can’t guarantee this is true, I think there’s a high probability that none of us will sit around talking about that mortifying day at work when the spreadsheet we created didn’t save all our data and we messed up the Zoom presentation. In the long run, that stuff just fades away.
So I’m going to take my dad’s good advice and do something different this week. Jump out of the rut with me and try something new. Let’s all go rent a kayak at Watson Lake and take a moonlight paddle around the rocks. Or call up that best friend and book a staycation together at a nearby hotel, order a pizza, soak your feet in the hot tub and catch up on each other’s lives. Dig out those cowboy boots gathering dust in the back of your closet, grab your sweetheart and head down to Matt’s for a line dance lesson. Tomorrow isn’t promised, so let’s all make some new memories today.